Sound of Surviving Blog

I used to hate that phrase, “I’m lucky to still be here.” I used to hate when people would tell me, “You’re so lucky to be here and to be alive.” Because most days, I didn’t feel like I was, when nothing was the same anymore. There are a lot of days when I wake up and, as I gulp down my pills in the morning, simultaneously swallow down how much easier my life would be if I had never had my brain tumor or stroke. The other day was no different. But as I scrolled on my phone, I noticed two posts from two mothers I knew, both of whom had lost a child to that same thing, a brain tumor. That was when I realized something.

My life, with all of its hardships and side effects, is the dream for a lot of people who face the same battle, some of whom may never make it.  I realized how lucky I truly was, to be able to live the life I do. As I went throughout my day that day, I started thanking God for things I never thought much about before, getting a shower, hugging my parents, talking to my nephew on the phone, And as I began to realize how incredibly blessed I am by God, to still be here, despite all of the side effects I have to endure and medications I have to take just to function, I get to experience everything the world has to offer me, albeit, a little different than most people, but I get to live in it still.

There is a quote from Our Town, where the main character is reflecting on her life. “It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another. I didn’t realize. All that was going on in life, and we never noticed. Take me back – up the hill – to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Goodbye, goodbye, world. Goodbye, Grover’s Corners, Mama and Papa. Goodbye to clocks ticking. And Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new-ironed dresses and hot baths. And sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? – every, every minute?”

You see, life goes by so fast; we forget to cherish it while we live it. Most of us go through our day-to-day lives, thinking of all we do as mundane, nothing spectacular. But the truth is, our lives, and all that we experience, are nothing short of wonderful. You see, we get to live in this world. As I thought of my friends and family who I’ve lost, I thought to myself, how amazing it was that because of them, I get to get even just a glimpse of the world through rose-colored glasses, amazed at how blessed I am to live the life I have. And that, as I sit here and think of those that have gone before me, I get to live out my life for them, despite all the odds stacked against me. So, while, I’m here on this earth, living this life, rather than be anything less than grateful for what I’ve been given, I will run with endurance this race that was set out before me, as Paul instructs in Hebrews 12:1. I will vow not just to run it, but to bask in it, to take in all of its marvels and wonders. And I hope that one day, when my life is done, I will be able to look back on my life, and say, not just that I lived, but that “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7).

But I think it’s that last part, the keeping the faith, that I most aspire to live up to, that I didn’t just fight, but that as I fought, I kept my faith that despite all I have to go through, that my life, and most importantly that my God, is still good.