Sound of Surviving Blog

One of the hardest things I’ve found about having a chronic illness is that it doesn’t always leave the symptoms of the sickness written all over your body. Instead, it often manifests as fatigue, pain, or exhaustion. Things other people don’t often understand, and wonder why we aren’t getting better from them by now. Instead, when we try to explain ourselves, why we’re so tired, or hurting so often, we get one simple phrase, “You don’t look sick”, or one question, “You should be getting better by now, right?” We’re trying not to look sick, that’s the point. But no, we won’t just start getting better and suddenly be able to do everything like we were before our diagnosis. We can’t just go back to “normal”, because “normal” doesn’t exist for us anymore. Instead, we learn to accept this new version of ourselves, which often includes fatigue and exhaustion, pain, & frustration, but it’s still us, still who we are, and we can’t change that, no matter how badly we want to. We just go along trying to manage our symptoms the best we can, attempting to live somewhat of a regular life, while grieving a version of ourselves we can hardly remember. A version of ourselves who could go out with their friends all the time, a version of ourselves who didn’t have to lie down after getting ready for the day. So no, “we don’t look sick”, but it’s not just that we’re tired. It’s chronic illness. And while I would never ever wish what I deal with on anyone, it’s not something you can understand unless you’ve experienced it head-on. Plus, I like to think of my chronic illness as having given me a superpower. Even though it robbed me of my earthly vision, it has enabled me to learn how to live like Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:7, “to walk by faith and not by sight,” that much more.